How to stay off Santa’s list

Author’s note: There is a theory that more than one universe exists. For example, every possible outcome to any event, becomes another universe. And that is just one possibility. There are others who believe in a multiverse. A place where other universes, with different outcomes, exist parallel to this universe. In these alternate places, familiar things from other universes, can be anything but familiar. In fact, they can become downright harmful. Even characters of myth are not exempt from this rule.

Barry closes his brief case and latches it. Next he closes, and locks, all his desk drawers. It was the weekend after all. The good news is the guide will be ready by Monday. After all this time and so many failed attempts. At long last, it will be ready. That’s great news Barry but have you forgotten our little problem? His inner voice is feeling snide today. However, he can’t ignore its meaning. It took a long time to create the guide. But getting it out there, that was the rub.

Especially at this time of year. One week before Thanksgiving. And then Santa’s holiday. Just one month later. One month just isn’t enough time to get a present for Santa. So that meant many would be on Santa’s list. And everyone knew what that meant. He thinks back to the article he read about the guy with the safe room. The room was state of the art. The guy spared no expense in the creation of the technology. Santa still found him. To this day no one can figure out how Santa got in.

It wasn’t that Barry thought his idea would work where others failed. Santa isn’t just a mythical being. He’s real. That’s what makes him so scary. Barry locks the door to his office, and turns to leave. And nearly crashes straight into one of Santa’s helpers. He feels his knees buckle and he nearly swears out loud. What the hell was a ‘helper‘ doing this close to his door? He absolutely avoids direct eye contact. Page 83 in the guide.

Instead, he quickly mutters an apology. One he hopes sounds hurried and cold. Then he begins to move away in the opposite direction. Cold beads of sweat begin to form on his body, as he walks away, awaiting an angry shout. If he makes it, he might have another page for the guide. Soon, everyone would know how to stay off Santa’s list. It wasn’t much but it was something. They had to do something.

Every year there were more and more of Santa’s helpers. Additionally, they were a part of everyday life. Barry heard about the guy who made the safe room, from his friend Steve. In fact, they were all completely sure the safe room would work. Except no one anticipated Santa getting the blueprints. From there, it was over, pretty quick.

A Step By Step Guide

The helper doesn’t shout at Barry. In fact, it’s almost as though Barry is invisible. Of course this is exactly what Barry wants. Furthermore, it’s exactly how he laid it out on page 17 of the guide. Becoming Invisible to Santa’s Helpers. “It’s a process”, he had written “the effort is cumulative, each step building to the next.” After all, isn’t that what he himself has done?

That is why he and Steve created the guide. They were going to get more people off of Santa’s list. Barry hasn’t gotten Santa a present in five years. This year will be six. It’s year number four for Steve. Their system works and the guide will prove it. Furthermore, the guide is all but ready. This weekend will finish it completely. And then all they have to do is to distribute it. Somehow.

Barry crosses the intersection when it’s safe. Then he turns and walks down the street leading to his apartment. When he’s just a block away, he freezes cold. He quietly scrunches down beside a dumpster. Santa was there. Down about a block further, and across the street from his apartment. He had several of his helpers with him. What the? Barry isn’t breathing. In fact, he may never let out this breath. He is terrified Santa will see him.

The Top of Santa’s List

He dares not breathe. Less than a block away, is Santa himself. Likewise, there are several of his helpers milling around the street. Barry resists the urge to look and see what they are doing. Surely they are not there for him? How could they be? How could Santa even know about Barry? As far as Barry knew he was invisible to Santa. It’s why he wrote the guide. To help others become invisible too. From down the street he hears a clamor of loud noises. Something is being tossed. Or kicked over.

A moment later Barry can hear the low sinister rumbling of Santa’s voice. It’s impossible to make out what he ‘s saying from behind this dumpster so Barry decides to take a chance. He carefully peeks around the corner of the dumpster. It’s Santa alright, and he has his helpers raiding garbage cans. Again Barry is caught off guard. He watches the helpers toss the cans. And Santa watches them. Until he turns, and looks Barry straight in the eyes.

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