When the way forward is lost in time

It wasn’t just about losing the way. There was more to it than that. And it’s common to miss details. Especially in a situation like this one. In fact, if it weren’t for his positive disposition, there wouldn’t have been the same amount of time. I’ve said it often. I never knew a braver or more courageous man.

Somehow writing it down doesn’t even remotely cover all that he went through. It feels impossible to describe the day to day struggle. It was a minute by minute existence at times. Likewise, it seldom got better, and usually got worse. However, there was no question about carrying on. That was one of the beautiful things about my son’s spirit. His courage.

This part isn’t where it began. It began in a small way as most major things do. When looking at it from that perspective I can remember the uncertainty. Except that isn’t entirely accurate. Uncertainty isn’t the right word. It was certain things were going to be rough. Even now that sounds like the biggest understatement of all time. Things were already rough. The certainty was that things would get worse. Not could, but would.

The Way Forward

Keep moving forward. It’s funny how that can mean different things to different people. For us it was hope at first. Moving forward meant looking for the chance to be healed. There was no cure. We talked about it when he was little. It was a daily dream that one day a cure would be found for diabetes. Especially Type 1 juvenile diabetes. A cure. It was still talked about in those days.

In fact, there was still an interest in a cure. Not sure when all that went out the window. Maybe when juvenile diabetes began showing up everywhere. Once upon a time it was exceedingly rare. Then it begins showing up in more children. Particularly in the late eighties and early nineties. This is in America.

It was exceedingly rare. Furthermore, the trigger was elusive. There was just so much we didn’t know back then. Not just the doctors. There was plenty they didn’t know, but they were a whole league better then, than they are now. It’s unfortunate, and certainly easier to know having been there.

Lost In Time

This is a small beginning. It comes from that terrible day. Not the most terrible day. That came later. This is from that one day of truth. Truth so hard it was terrible. Maybe that’s why it’s so easy to return there. In the awful weight of that one moment. Somehow, the way forward, a known unknown.

This is the place where the beginning of the end started. A place only those who’ve been there know. It was a long time until the end. However, in the end it was quicker than the blink of an eye. This is where the beginning of the end started. It was still about love. It will always be about love.

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